Ask Rach #3 A Double Dose (Part 2)

You can always find past Honestly, Rach articles on my page and be sure to subscribe to my bulletin to be sure you don't miss a thing!

Welcome back to Ask Rach part 2!

How do we, as white people, show appreciation for you and your culture in a respectful manner? This question comes from a place of sincerity.

I think this is a fantastic question and one we should all be asking when it comes to the now overused phrase of “listening and learning”. Your question goes beyond that in how we can go beyond a catchphrase and make a difference. I will speak to black culture since this question is in reference to blackfishing. Blackfishing surpasses appreciation because it requires one who is not black to alter their appearance to look like a person of color. That is not admiration. That is disrespectful and inappropriate. If you really value someone and their culture, then you don’t have to emulate them or their behaviors. This reduces a black person to a trend, fashion statement, costume, or caricature. You are playing the role of what you think black is rather than trying to understand what it is to be black. Seeking to learn about another culture is great but that does not mean you have to appropriate it to engage in it. There are ways to show your desire to gain understanding and acquire knowledge about a culture. For example, researching the differences about cultures, understanding the differences, supporting that culture through donations to causes or volunteering, and celebrating those cultures.

How do you and Bryan split up chores and do you think this will change when/if you have children? @rinnyoaks

I love this question because I always say that my love language has changed since we got married. Now, acts of service is how I feel loved. We honestly don’t really assign chores but just have naturally gravitated to doing certain tasks around the house. Bryan cleans the kitchen and takes care of the garbage. I usually take care of the dogs and generally cleaning around the condo. I think what is great is that we see what needs to be done and we make sure it happens. Now, that doesn’t mean we always are on the same page, and I have learned that sometimes Bryan works best with a to-do list rather than me nagging him to get it done. You have to find out what works for you. And to answer your question about kids…I know our system will have to change for that because kids will take things to an entirely different level.

How did you become so confident? @applehan

I really appreciate it when I get this question. It’s human nature to see the finished product and assume that the person has always been that way. The reason being is that you don’t see the work and the struggle that person went through to stand before you now. I was not always confident and I discuss this a lot in my book. I have struggled a lot in life through my career choices, relationships, friendships, and personal desires to get to where I am today. I will forever be a work in progress. The biggest thing that has helped me with my confidence is not allowing others to define it for me. We live in a society that constantly compels us to compare who we are and what we are doing to other people. Sometimes I think social media is the root of all evil. It is so easy to measure yourselves against what other people are doing and I am not above this myself. I truly believe that confidence is getting to a place where you are secure in who you are as an individual, acknowledging that it is not always easy, and trusting in yourself no matter the situation.

Honestly, Rach